i wish i had a reset button on life. i’m so unhappy anymore, it feels like it’s not even worth the effort to wake up every day. it’s like a bottomless pit, and the sky can only be seen at the top as to tease you - showing you that it’s there, but it’s obvious that you won’t be getting it. every time things are going alright or even good, something has to come along to drag you back down and scrape your face against the ground. you stand back up and keep trying, bearing the bruises and cuts for that simple thought that if you keep going, it’ll get better, even though the view is bleak.
there’s so many things i would do differently. i would of paid more attention in school and actually gave an effort to do my homework, instead of blowing it all off. i wouldn’t of held everyone at an arm’s distance, or taken so long to figure out that i didn’t need to pretend to be a part of a certain ‘click’. i wouldn’t of pushed everyone away from me. i would of stayed in univ for my fine arts degree. i would of held on to friends for dear life, instead of letting them slip away. i know it’s really unhealthy to sit and think about these things, but when i don’t have something to distract my mind, things always turn to darker thoughts.
Y’know, I’m not even really sure where we stand anymore. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything lately. I’m starting to lose faith.
I don’t ever feel like I’m good enough. For anything.
I want nothing more than to spend time with my girlfriend. The thing is, I don’t think my girlfriend wants to spend time with me.
I love how you make me have faith in us again just to upset me the next night.
I’m kind of getting to the point where I’m getting tired of trying to get the attention. You’re so wrapped up in other things, maybe I should do that too.
I wish you would pay attention to me more. Every time you want attention, I do everything I can to give you what you want. There for a while it seemed like we were getting past this, but the last couple of days haven’t been good.
My bed feels wrong without you next to me.
I should of kissed you one last time in the airport, in front of god and everybody.
All I ask is for you to spend a few hours with me during the evening. Is that too much to ask?
Really? I’ve been waiting for you for hours now. We haven’t spoken really in days and what is this now? I’ve been waiting for you for nearly eight hours now. You half ass text me that you’re out doing something, just to come home and go to bed for the last three and a half hours. Gee, thanks.
I’m getting so tired of this. I was so excited to get a chance to spend time with you today, and you turn around and sleep again. Always. Heaven forbid we spend any time together, when you can’t be pulled away from your pillow or whatever.
This really hurts, I hope you know.